he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
