Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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