No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
