he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
