the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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