I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
