Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
