i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
