my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
