Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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