I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
