he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
