he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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