My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
