I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
