dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
