like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
