we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
