it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
