So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
