im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
