I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
