Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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