I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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