I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
