I accidentally burped into my bong.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
