the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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