im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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