I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
