At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
