i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Less talking, more tequila
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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