What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Hippo gnu deer
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
