someone threw a dead crab at me
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
