i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
