you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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