I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
