i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
