meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
