I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
