he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
