Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
