Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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