I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
