We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
