Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
