the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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