I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
