Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
