I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
