anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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