My balls are so social today.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
