dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
