walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
